Oh, how far I’ve fallen since my last post. I hope this is the last time I talk about this.
I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. At first I convinced myself it was because I was so tired from weeks of draining myself. Then it was because I was bored. Now it’s because I want to hide myself from the world.
I used to be happy! Ha! The days! When Andrew and I sent each other more happy faces than sad faces. But it’s okay..I guess. I mean, wallowing in our self pity is enough for me. Or, at least, what I hope is shared pity, and not veiled sadness.
It’s hard for me to say if I ever learn from my mistakes. You like to think you do, but then you get put into another situation, and you fall from Grace over, and over. You do to others what you don’t want done unto you. Days later, even. Did I do this to someone else? You convince yourself that you don’t. That you’re any better, somehow.
Have you ever done that to someone? Be ridiculously mean to them, and not even care? Act like “It’s not my problem, I don’t pity them, it’s their life, that’s what they get for being THAT way.” I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be in their shoes. How would I feel if I really understood? But…it happens all the time. You wonder all the time why people treat you the way they do. It’s pretty gay.
I think it’s about time for a nap.
